“I had a realization that slowly dawned on me a couple of weeks ago. I’ve been watching it out of the corner of my eye since. Like many children of a certain period, my mother told me that I was special when I was a young child. I must have believed her and that seems to be a problem for me”. (August 31, 2014)
For about a year I’ve drifted and thought off and on about the disappointment I have felt over acknowledging that I’m not “special”: I’m not exceptional in any way. Bummer.
Bummer or not, I’m moving on. I can’t see how this impacts me or the people around me (I think everybody else had figured this out long before it dawned on me) so I can’t see much changing except that I will be more mindful of my good fortune that I am still able to stand upright and take nourishment.
Woke up this morning thinking about time. Wondering how the concept came into being. Observing natural cycles would seem to be the obvious answer. But how did we arrive at a system for “measuring” the passage of time? Astronomy is my guess.
The scale of time, like the scale of space, is relative and the perception of time seems highly variable. Sort of a stretchy net we through over our perceptions to organize them; to create our illusion of control of our perceptions and, by suggestion, our context.
I am brought again to wanting to create a series of works that illustrate alternate measures of time. A clock based on the growth of a tree; a clock that is driven by the ocean waves; a clock that chimes when the wind speed exceeds 22 mph; a clock that rings when a stone gains or loses 1 gram; a clock that booms a deep gong when the current of a river is faster or slower than average by 10%; event clocks for marking the passage of time related to events other than celestial bodies. Its an idea that continues to return to me with more urgency each time.
I am think now of Herman Hesse’s Siddhartha sitting by the river observing the flow. It feels like we are all in the flow of the river.
Rain at the parade for the last two days. Mixing and pouring a concrete slab to replace wooden roof over the incoming water pipes at the pump house (scene of rattle snake massacre of last week) when a red wasp stung me just below my right eye on Sunday. Returned yesterday after work to remove form-boards and got another taste of wasp anger with a sting on the end of my nose.
They both flew at me as if propelled by a rocket. Straight line with no circling, no buzzing menacingly around me…just flew straight into my face and delivered the stinger and the toxin dose. After four hours of ice pack and two benadryl tabs, my nose was still twice its normal size and my eyes swollen almost shut. Put a serious cramp in my swagger. – Payback is hell!
No selfie for this one. Eye still half closed this morning.
I’ve been very lucky in life. The past few months have been especially so. Everything has sailed along with few hitches and a surprisingly low level of frustration and annoyance. But not so much this last 10 days to 2 weeks. When this happens, I try to remember my prior good fortune and be patient.
Sometimes that is easier than others but, so far, there are no major setbacks – just lots of small annoyances and minor threats to tranquility. In the context of all of the pain and suffering in the world, I have no issues to whine about. I am still a very lucky individual, even on a “bad” day.
At the university’s sculpture studio a contractor crew is removing all of the overhead ductwork which is filled with the dust and dirt of over thirty years of grinding, welding, plaster mold making, stone carving, and bronze casting. Makes for a thick atmosphere.
The studio will be without AC for several weeks during July and here in the southeast that can be oppressive. Meantime the new professor and I are remaking, reorganizing, rebuilding and re-imagining the various areas of the studio. Good things will come of this by the beginning of the fall semester. Looking forward to working together to make our art department the best we can be.
Another amazing day. Working with Sigi to clear the vines and brush from the hillside below the house. A slope between 30 and 40 degrees and filled with rocks and soft dirt. I was pulling grape vine from the shrubs above me when I lost my balance and realised I was past the point of recovering balance. I glanced down below me at the large sharp rocks. Determined to avoid hitting the rocks, I bent my knees and pushed off as hard as I could. I missed the rocks and hit the ground rolling and just managed to stop rolling before I fell off into a large hole. I won’t always be lucky, but I was again this time. Enjoy every minute.
I know that sudden death and casual cruelty is the normal order in the natural world but I’m not a casual killer of anything. So today it was with mixed feelings that I shot and killed a pair of large rattlesnakes. I killed them because I am afraid of them. The things we do out of fear. More later.